No idea...

Ty and I often remark that before we were together we had 'no idea' the depth love we felt for each other existed.  We had both read poems, heard stories, etc...but until we actually felt it, we really had no idea what it was like.  Six years later we find ourselves in the same situation. 

Before we had Gabriel, we both had heard people say that it's impossible to fully describe the love you feel as a parent until you have have children of your own. I never understood this comment.  For better and for worse, I do now.  I say 'worse' only in metaphor, as this new love I feel hurts in ways I never imagined.  "I love you so much it hurts."  I get that now. 

Gabriel burnt his hand on the stove the other day.  His first of many dangerous encounters I'm sure.  But it highlighted the reality that he *could* get hurt; that one day, I could lose him.  I remember calling my mom when I was pregnant saying 'I just had this overwhelming feeling of fear for my child come over me - and he's not even born yet.'  She welcomed me into the world of parenthood and told me to get used to it.  "It's always there - sometimes upfront, most often lingering quietly in the background - but always there."

Gabriel, I love you so much it hurts.  I love you so much, the words 'happy' and 'joy' have exploded with new new meaning to me.  I love you so much I wonder how it's possible.  Gabriel, I had no idea.